You’re as useless as an a$$hole right here (points to elbow) ahhh..Fantasy Baseball Begins!

March 23, 2010

Go See Rocket shes got a job for ya

To say my friends are an eclectic bunch is an understatement. We’ve got black folks, brown folks (Filipinos are brown skinned dammit!), yellow folks and of course the sprinkle of white folks. Not that it matters, I think we all have a common interest in girls, piff, cars, video games, clothing and of course sports. However, that does not stop us from ribbing each other with momma jokes, ethnic jokes and your’e not working tomorrow jokes. There are simply no rules, and if someone goes over the line its usually duked out by fists or lawn care tools in Dads backyard.

Yesterday was our fantasy baseball draft, and it was as raucous as it can get. Five out of the 12 teams are TONY sports contributors so I felt it was relevant to do a post on the nonsense that goes on during our live draft and give our readers an insight of who we are.  After a long Saturday of public inebriation and constant piff blowing everyone got to Dads house at about 4PM to get the draft underway.

One hundred American dollars got you into the Falone Balone XI fantasy baseball draft yielding the winner a cool $1200.00 pot. (yo Steve-O, I got you babaaaaaaay! lol) There were no computer auto-draft options here, as everyone had to be in the building to draft their own picks over a course of 20 rounds. Dad provided a nice comfortable venue with a huge draft board and stickers with all of the MLB’s players by name and position. We also had prime time seats for the second round of the NCAA tournament (F.U. Michigan State!!)

So it all began with Hood Legend barking his usual slang editorials while Carlos Delgado aka Kimbo slice aka My Giddy began to call out the draft order and picks. The first pick went to a new edition to our fantasy baseball league  Li, who went on to choose Albert Pujols with the first pick. Your boy Jedi got the second pick and scooped up the young gunner Hanley Ramirez. The Cuan king rounded off the top three by choosing Alex Rodriguez. No surprises yesterday as the top fantasy players were picked in order.

The Gambler aka the kid who drafted but didn’t pay anything because he was doing a favor for someone, absolutely tried to steal the spotlight by being the most obnoxious person there. Though he was a little annoying,  but funny,  he did give a new name to one of our veteran fantasy players Odie, by aptly naming him Swan-Ton Soup. This is a twist of his government name and Odie took the new nick name with pride.

The Gambler made some early pitching pickups and drafted Jonathan Papelbon and Josh Beckett to solidify his love for the Boston Red Sox. (LMFAO) Swan-Ton soup being the star that he is was able to get his mitts on Brian Mccann and Chase Utley.

The more mature of the bunch Dad and Shields were in deep concentration as the draft sped through the early evening. I went over to them to check their draft sheets because they were diligently marking off each player that was drafted so that they would not mis-draft. I however did not pay too much attention because I chose 3 players in a row that were previously picked and almost got Gaetano Leoni as my starting left fielder if I mis-drafted again.

Dad, the winner of our fantasy baseball draft last season made some great picks with Joe Mauer, Dustin Pedroia and Miguel Cabrera. While Shields got a shot at Carl Crawford and Matt Kemp.

Our TONY Sports IT guy Chauncey Black was his usual laid back self and was mostly on my laptop checking ESPN for the top players in their positions and making sure that his picks were used wisely. He picked up Ben Zobrist and Torii Hunter in the middle rounds to give his team some depth.

The commish aka Your Mom was also in attendance. You may remember him from his introspective thoughts on any of the posts you see on TONY and his contributions to our baseball department. The Panamanian Pancake Nipples have a team consisting of Justin Verlander, Jon Lester and Matt Holliday.

The Diatribe who also contributes on TONY and was overheard hating on my pick of Shane Vicotrino, (joking Sence lol) picked up some key players while he sifted through fantasy baseball notes picking up Ian Kinsler, Josh Johnson and taking a gamble with Geovany Soto.

Ill Will, probably our most consistent contributor on TONY was also there providing me with Newport bust-downs and scooped up Prince Fielder, Troy Tulowitzki and Chris Carpenter. Expect to see some fantasy baseball thoughts from him as soon as the season begins.

Lordo de Blanco aka the return of the cuan helped himself out adding Brandon Phillips and Lance Berkman to his mix while choosing A-Rod early in the draft.

Toast to the owner of the last pick of our draft, Biochemical Slang Lord aka Wally Clarks, who was again late to the draft after a long night of doing what he does best. Cracking jokes and drinking booze. (Liquid Swords is still better than OB4CL SON!!!) Wally made some early pitching picks taking Roy Halladay, Johan Santana and Mariano Rivera. Now that I think about it, he may have the best pitching staff in our league.

Sometimes I wish that I had a video camera last night because there were some jokes flying around that would of made Paul Mooney look like Ellen Degeneres. Anyway that sums up our fantasy draft in a nutshell, shout out to all my homies who drafted with us last night and most importantly thank you for keeping it dry.

“take a hit…be somebody babaaay!!”‘


  1. Swan-ton Soup!!! Completely forgot about that haha.

  2. Hilarious…
    Now go clean up the bathroom, there’s shitty water all over the floor.

  3. yo man.. had to put some introspect into our lives hahahahaha

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